Hello, Life and Marriage family!!!! I’m back and I got a tough one for you.
Recently my daughter was invited to a birthday party for her cousin who is three months younger than she is. A little back history on how I got to this point. My cousin’s girlfriend has known she was going to have this party for her daughter after their last daughter party two months back in which we did not get the invite to also. (apparently, I have done something to these people I am unaware of) But anyway my daughter was not invited until my Aunt mentioned it to her son or his girlfriend. I was livid and I wasn’t going to let me daughter go because I got the invitation a week prior to the party and three days prior to me having to RSVP. Well, I said self, and myself said huh???? It’s not about how I feel I will ask my daughter if she wants to go….. Well here is the kicker, my daughter said no she didn’t want to go because she does not like the way her cousin treats her when she is with her friends. This is the first of me hearing my daughter say this but it’s not the first time I observed it. Long story short me and that side of my family are at odds because one I didn’t want to bring my child to a forced invited party and two because they swear I am lying about my child having her own mind at seven years old and not wanting to be treated as if she does not exist.
So that brings me to me this at what point do you become just a protective parent or is it called being selfish. My take on it is both. Yes, I said both…. Me being selfish is trying to put myself in that situation and going based on my emotions and trying not to put my child in a situation to feel that way. Which brings me to being a protective parent. I hate when people mistreat kids and momma bear comes out when you mistreat my kids. But lately, I have been doing a great job at not putting my kids in situations and places to be mistreated. For me, I know people in the world do not treat you the way you treat them. And then get mad when you starting treating them how they been treating you the whole time. But it’s hard when you still want to believe different and think people have the same morals and values as you. For me, it’s hard because my daughter is shy and softspoken so I always have my defense mode up when it comes to her she is like me in my past state and when you are like that people take advantage of your niceness and take you for weak and run all over you. My son is like me in my current state meaning if he feels like you are not treating him fairly rather than cause an argument he just doesn’t mess with you anymore. I want my kids to know if no one else has their backs me and their dad always have their back and will protect them at all cost. That does not mean they can murder someone and I will go to bat for them but I will not allow anyone to treat them like shit. Period. For a long while I was sad because I thought I being mean and then people started calling me selfish but so what who is going to protect my kids like I do? I feel kids get out of control when they are not being paid attention to, not feeling protective, and not being there for them. I for one will not let my kids ever feel like that.
So Life and Marriage family… Protective Parent or selfish, what are your thoughts?
When you are in a relationship and for a long time at that, you must find ways to spice things up in the bedroom, right? I hope so! Lol… When you are in the cupcake phase of your relationship, you know the I love you more, no I love you more, you hang up first, no you hang up first phase, you have sex like its going out of style and never coming back.You know what I found???? People who don’t talk about sex or think it is nasty to talk about are the biggest freaks and the ones who talk about it all the time don’t get it very often. I hate the people who think it nasty to talk about. I mean no details are needed but if the topic is brought up amongst friends then there is no need to act all holy, we are all grown and sex is a natural thing. Now the ones who talk about it all the time, smh let’s just say they are going to a drought and need some asap or their sex game is weak…. lol…
As time goes on and your relationship stays alive and adulthood develops sex slows down. And then comes the kids and you go from all night all day marathons to having dry spells or quickie sessions. Why is that? We as people let life get in our way. Work, school, kids, bills, in-laws all this play a factor in our lives every day and by the time you have time for each other you are either too tired and you, your relationship, your intimacy or lack of gets put on the back burner. I say F*** that and get your freak on. Why can’t we make time for our spouses and ourselves and why can’t we have earth-shattering sex every day? Happy you, Happy house. Sex is a stress reliever and helps burn calories and if it’s good enough can make you forget about your problems and the world at least for a little while. So how do you get back to the cupcake phase????? Find time for you and your spouse whether its weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. You have to make time not just for sex, find time to connect with one another, no phones (or if you have kids put your phone on silent for a couple hours), find a sitter, no distractions. Go on a date, or stay in. Talk about your dreams, fantasies, and fears. Try something new in the bedroom or not, you can get frisky in a new place of your home or out and about (try not to get caught, I can’t bail you out of jail). Work on a special project together, cook together…. ROLE PLAY. Or find time to have a full-blown freak fest…..Whatever your thing is, just do it, just yall two. Even if you sit are home together and watch a movie, cuddle up. Once you get the romance back in your relationship the toe-curling, earth-shattering, mind-blowing sex will come back. And even if you don’t plan on having any more kids than you have or don’t have why can’t you have fun trying?!?!?!
What are ways you spice your relationship and sex life up????
Speak to me, my Life and Marriage UnfWord Filtered people…..
All my life all I heard was… A piece of a leg is better is better than no leg. In the black community( no racist shade at all) that means it is better to have a man who has a little of something than no man at all. So growing up I had an idea of what I did not want to fall victim of in my relationships. I have seen family members and friends settle and that is all this that saying is….. settling. They settled on getting their self into situationships not be confused with relationships, lol. A situationship is when a guy or a girl gets into a relationship because they are homeless, broke or both and you become a better situation for them, and those that situations can go on for years. They will have you thinking ya’ll are in love and there is nothing in the world ya’ll can’t conquer together. You have the cheater that blames you for the reason why they cheat. They may cheat just to cheat no matter how good you are to them or they cheat because they have a problem. You have the show-off, now that can go a couple ways, he or she may want to show you off as a trophy or they come into the relationship with nothing and with show-off the things you accomplished and brag like they hit the jackpot. You have the momma’s boy who wants someone to baby him or wants a maid. Those are just to name a few. So we as women and there are some men out there to keep from being lonely we settle for what we can get. Like we may have all these rules for our heart and what we want then bam “Mr. or Mrs. Right Now” comes along and we are like rule what???? lol. But why? If we have kids what kind of example are setting for our kids about settling? Patience is a virtue! If we settle with the matters of our hearts we will settle with the matters of minds and livelihood.I vote no leg is better. I rather be alone with less bills and less stress you can always get you a heating blanket and some extra pillows to keep warm and snuggle with a night. And if you want sex get you a friend with benefits and if you don’s want to go that route go to the freaky shop and get you something you can be alone with have fun with and will make you sleepy afterward! I am just being honest, do not fall victim to one of those relationships I named, do your heart a favor. There is someone out there that is going to treat you right, that is going to love you, treat you are their equal and not take you for granted. You got to have patience! Love will find you!
2018 is a better year for you!!!!
Hello, world!!!! So I have been going back and forth on what my first blog should be about! And… I saw a post on Facebook that said… “Depression is when you don’t really care about anything, Anxiety is when you care too much about everything, and having both is just like hell.” Well, that is what life, relationships, friendships, marriages, and having kids sums up to be, sometimes all rolled up in one if you try and balance everything by yourself or have help and refuse to accept it. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I hide it really well because I have too. I am the Sophia ( Golden Girls reference) of my family. I take care of everyone not financially but emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically. So when it comes down to me needing help I don’t know how to receive help or allow people to help me. (I am working on it well trying to anyway, one day at a time). Its gotten to the point where if I am not needed I kind of get in my feelings. 🙁 I want to be needed, I have to be needed!!!!! Or do I?
So what I have learned is…. are you ready for this????? One, How many people will come to your aide when you need help or are sick? My husband tells me all the time to sit down and I need to say no ( he takes advantage of my yes moments too because he thinks I am his secretary, lol). Two, Who is going to take care of you better than you? And three, will it kill you to say no? Truth is no it won’t but people act like it kills them when you say no.
Happiness comes from within so if you are not happy how can you be of good service for your family, friends, your marriage, your kids, or yourself? What’s that saying if momma not happy then nobody’s happy! Well, that is what I found I have to learn to live my life by. I have to tune out all the bull$h*! and focus on me, say no sometimes, drink a glass or five of wine or a nice cocktail if its been a really bad day, sit down and don’t do anything but read or write, binge watch my shows, or go on strike from the world. I can do it because I may need that time to refresh myself. And you can do it too! I do a lot for people not for likes, or recognition but because I am just a giving person or nosey whichever you see fit to call me but I have to start taking time for myself because taking time for myself helps me be a better wife and mother and an overall better person and that is what is going to matter most than what I did for the next person at the end of the day. So what ways do you relax or declutter your life tune out the bull$h*!?
Our motto for 2018 is… Be a better you because its only one of you!!!!
Until my next blog!!!!
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